Money Isn't Everything

As the government issue car pulled up, Tony Stark stared out from where he sat in the back seat and sighed heavily.

If he had been back home there was no way in hell he’d be getting on this plane. Assuming he couldn’t get Pepper, Happy, or someone else to get him out of the tech conference he would have flown there first class in his personal jet. For that matter he would have donned the most recent version of The Iron Man and flown himself there. Whether it was his plane (which more often than not turned into a party flight as soon as it was in the air) or his armor he’d be having a hell of a lot more fun than he was now. Unfortunately he was not home and despite his growing fortune he was not as rich as he had been, much of his ability and freedom a “gift” from the government and one that could be taken back should he upset the suit and tie crowd.

Between trying to find a way back home and handling the massive rise in neohuman crime, including the arrival of Doctor Freaking Doom, he didn’t really have time to go to a convention to look at the inventions of others or to speak on technology and where it was going. Sadly, the government leash holders felt otherwise. They thought it would humanize him and further show the public that dimensional vagrant or not he was still one-hundred percent human and could be trusted.

But not trusted enough to have a private flight there, he thought wearily.

As if the armed escort to the airport wasn’t bad enough, they’d yanked him out of his workshop while his newest suit was still charging. Luckily he had the suitcase armor still, but it was not up to snuff. The ordeal it had gone through battling HAZMAT in DC had left the already limited capability suit in worse shape. Without a fully functional suit of armor Tony actually felt weak, vulnerable, and…human. It wasn’t a feeling he liked. Still he figured he had been through enough conferences and the like on his world that this should be a piece of cake. Granted he was drunk for most of those, but still he remembered bits of them enough to get through it. He hoped.

And so pushing his red tinted sunglasses up his nose, making sure to use his middle finger to do so, he smiled at the government handlers as they flashed badges and made clear to airport personnel that Stark was allowed to bypass regular security measures. Of course they waited to make sure he got on the plane.

Turning around he sighed, made polite noises of acknowledgement at the stewardess who merely sneered at him, and took his seat.


“Sir, I know you think you are some kind of super hero or something but please refrain from using your toys while we are in the air,” she said.


“Lucky I don’t find an excuse to show you how repulsors work,” he mumbled.

As she narrowed eyes at him Tony smiled, “Hmm? What? Of nothing just wondering if I can get a drink? Saki or Scotch will do or you know…”

“We do not serve alcohol on this flight,” she snapped as if he were requesting something outrageous.

“God is this going to be a long trip,” he complained.

 Gensokyo Girl

Boredom was the curse of the brilliant. Tony thought he was going to be suffering under that curse the entire flight, his mind racing with nothing to truly distract him. That was nothing new really. It was a truly rare occasion that Stark was not running numbers. Half of the time he could be neck deep in problems, mid-fight with a deadly enemy, and he was already planning on how to improve the suit, develop counter measures, or use the enemy’s tools or powers as a means to better mankind. At those times however he at least had some form of distraction. There was the battle itself, saving people from danger, press conferences after the fight, initial cleanup response, and of course parties in between with copious amounts of liquid distraction.

The bad times, the truly horrible times where Stark felt like he was going to go insane, were times like this flight. He wasn’t Iron Man or the great Tony Stark. He wasn’t grandstanding with an audience or showing off how smart he was compared to everyone else in the vicinity. No, he was merely stuck in his own head, lost in his own never ending thoughts. It was a sad spiral. First he thought of how to improve the world, about technologies and inventions that could revolutionize how humanity lived. Then he’d remember that a combination of technological limitations, limitations placed on him by a society that wasn’t smart enough to understand what he wanted to do, and the unstoppable (for the time being anyway+ advancement of age would prevent him from ever achieving what he knew he was truly capable of. Finally, acceptance that he indeed had limitations meant he was forced to wonder if he really was as smart as he thought he was.

Tony had hoped to avoid such energy sapping thought loops by chatting with fellow passengers, after all someone had to recognize him from the news. Maybe, just maybe, he could find something intellectually engaging enough to still have the energy necessary to give his speech at the tech conference. It wasn’t something he was placing a lot of hope in, but it was better than the alternative.

His concerns were all for naught because before he could truly begin pestering other passengers, the plane was rocked. What he first thought was turbulence was soon revealed to be something far worse. The jet was crashing.

Because of course it is. Suits back in Washington refused to let me bring The Iron Man, the suitcase armor isn’t capable of true flight even before it was damaged by Hazmat, and most of these folks probably haven’t faced anything more dangerous than a hangnail. But hey, at least death by plane crash is better than death via boredom so… upside.

As people yelled Tony struggled against the g-forces pressing against him in an attempt to reach the overhead compartment where his suitcase was stored. As everyone else seemed to strap themselves in and grab the oxygen masks that had deployed, Tony actually unclipped his belt. He instantly regretted it, slamming into the ceiling hard enough to knock the air from his lungs. Dazed he stretched and strained until his fingers, ever so lightly skimmed the case…

In seconds it opened, a signal linking to the watch he wore, as the case/suit locked onto and surrounded him. Even if it had taken mere seconds to happen, it was enough time for the plane to tear into various pieces. Some passengers were rocked while others were torn from the plane, sucked out into the blue sky. Tony briefly flashed back to another plane and another crash, one where he’d been able to save everyone using a prototype suit and some fancy maneuvering. Unfortunately, he knew this wouldn’t be the same. The suitcase suitcase suit wasn’t going to fly and there would be no fancy electrifying arms to cause the hand to lock so the victims could lock onto one another. This time he was not going to be able to save everyone and people would die.

Forcing such dark thoughts out of his mind he focused on doing what he could. A laser sealed over one of the fissures forming, preventing the rear of the plane from separating as far as it could have. The more intact it was the better the chance they’d maybe survive the crash…or so he hoped. The HUD that filled his vision indicated that they were above a heavily forested area. Maybe, just maybe some pieces of the plane would be caught on the trees rather than slamming into the earth.

Using the limited range of his boot jets he leapt, catching a flight attendant who was ripped from where she was standing. Landing inside another section of plane he deposited her in a chair, placed the oxygen mask on her, and buckled the belt. The whole while he tried not to think about the poor soul who didn’t strap themselves into that seat in time.

“See folks, this is why I prefer to fly private. Terrible service by the way. Alright time for some thrilling awesomeness. You can thank me later.”

Leaping from the section he was in and triggering the limited boosters he had, Iron Man positioned himself beneath the falling portion of plane. Had this been a full suit he could have moved the entire plane, but limited as he was in the suitcase armor he was barely able to budge the section as it fell. Considering the rocky mountain face it was hurtling towards that was not encouraging. Diverting all power to the boosters Tony ignored the sparks as his HUD burnt out, blocked out the sound of joints both mechanical and biological popping, and merely hoped for the best as he felt rushing air touch his skin. As he fell, section of plane above him likely to smash him beneath it once they hit the ground, Tony realized he was screaming as he strained.

Cutting power to the boosters while still screaming loud enough to hear his own voice over the rushing air, he rerouted power to the repulsors, manually aimed at a portion of the plan section, and fired. The palms of his armor sparked and smoked as receptors burnt out, electricity crackled across the armor, and his helmet completely dimmed, but his efforts had been enough. The force of the repulsor blast changed the trajectory of the plane section just enough that it wouldn’t crash into the mountain but rather into the jungle below.

Hoping the passengers in that particular section didn’t trade smashing into rock for being impaled on trees, Tony smiled. Stark, fried armor and all, felt water seep into the cracks as darkness took him and Iron Man finally passed out.



Gensokyo Girl

Time seemed to stretch as the world around Tony Stark blurred and faded. Gone was the doomed plane, the deadly terrain below, and all those that he failed to save due to not having an adequate suit. Instead of the jungle he was in a concrete jungle. It was New York, the Big Apple, and it was under attack by forces from another world. Chitauri they were called, alien invaders led by the sinister Loki. Monsters from beyond the boundaries of the solar system and a so-called god straight out of mythology. If giant green rage monsters, super soldiers from the past, and men that used nanomachines to breathe fire were not signs that the world was changing, then Loki and his forces were.

Joining in an alliance with other beyond normal people Tony had fought the armies despite his world view being shattered. His newest set of armor was helping, sure, but it wasn't enough. One man in a tin can would never be enough. The whole thing meant he had to do better, to be better, to outsmart this threat and any that may come. Of course he had to survive first.

Surviving quickly became a subjective state though. One minute he was a knight in high tech armor, slaying the monsters, and the next he had entered that damnable portal and realized just how small he and every other human on the face of the Earth really was. He had delivered the nuke sure, he had saved the day, but the suit was out of power. JARVIS wasn't responding. His call to Pepper never went through. And breathing? Pfft. Breathing was not something he could do without oxygen. A trip into the stratosphere was fine, icing issue aside, but leaving the confines of the planet was another issue all together.

And so he fell. Fell, dying all the while, berating himself for not being smart enough to solve every problem the world had ever faced, and for failing in his promise to Yinsen. All in all death wasn't so bad, kind of peaceful, and...wet.

Wet? Why am I wet? Shouldn't I just be floating in the blackness of space or smacking into the cold streets of the city with enough force to make me Stain Man? Oh crap, I wet myself. Well at least that happens when you die. Its totally involuntary and not a sign that I am getting too old. Tony thought.

But that's when it hit him. He shouldn't be a pancake, he should be drowning. Sleeping with the fishes, snakes, alligators, or whatever creepy crap floated in the water of a jungle. After all he was not in New York. That had been years ago and a dimension away. No he was dying in a plane crash this time.

Dying and...being kissed by an extremely hot, hopefully not underage, blue haired...

Suddenly, he wretched. Water escaped his lungs, a coughing fit followed, and soon he drew in his first breath, the air stinging his lungs. His hands grasped towards the helmet he was no longer wearing, his fingers brushing it as it lay powerless in the mud.

Well you are alive again. Or dead and Heaven has made some serious error in judgment. Either way, he thought coughing.

“C-c-crap. Where are we? Is everyone okay? I tried to...save the section...I.” he said before another coughing fit overtook him.

 Gensokyo Girl

The Congo? Oh that’s just perfect! Even if I could cobble together a phone or transmitter or something of the like the chances of us actually getting a signal are slim to none, was Tony’s first thought.

It was bad for sure, but he wasn’t about to have a second panic attack over it. The last time he was stranded in a near tech-less land with little hope of escape, he ended up designing the Mark I and starting his journey towards becoming Iron Man. While he doubted there were enough scraps left from the plane and objects aboard to truly make anything nearly as impressive as an Iron Man suit, there had to be something around he could use, something he could engineer to help them until they could reach someone that could help.

Tony’s second thought was, First ki…first what? Kiss? Please don’t be kiss. I’ve made plenty of stupid choices in my life both on and off of booze and as much as the womanizing playboy lifestyle agrees with me that would just be…please be legal. Or shy. Shy and legal.

Of course such trivial things quickly gave way to the horror that was all around him. Survivors, of which there were far fewer than he had hoped, were in bad shape. Those that were not hurt looked shell shocked or on the verge of panicking. The injured, well it was bad. And to make matters worse he didn’t know for sure what brought the plane down. Was it an electrical failure? Pilot error? Some kind of terrorist attack?

That would make sense. I mean it is some of the world’s brightest minds on their way to a tech conference. That would be a boon to some extremist groups. Maybe Luddite terrorists, folks that are scared of progress and technology changing the world? Or did all the press surrounding my visiting the conference draw out some neo-human with a grudge against the way I’m handling things?

For all the worries and what ifs, Stark just didn’t have enough information to make a determination, but what he did have was a more immediate problem. An injured passenger. He was no doctor, but Rogers had taught him some first aid and he was a genius so he could surely figure something out.

Dying plane crash survivor and crying, hopefully legal hot chick. You got this Stark, he told himself.

“Move it,” he told a man, gently pushing him to the side as he checked the injured passenger.

“You a doctor?” the man he moved asked.

“Engineer, billionaire, genius, dimensional vagrant, and really in need of a drink,” he answered as he examined the man.

Checking his throat gently it was clear that the breathing problems were not the result of a throat injury or crushed airway. Based on the bruising on the victim’s chest Tony could only guess that he was suffering from a collapsed lung. That was problematic. Like…really problematic.

“Okay, people listen up. Check the wreckage, luggage, whatever. I need something sharp. Preferably clean and a tube. Check for oxygen tanks, maybe one of the masks that dropped when we lost pressure, one of those inflatable wavy guys at car lots, something tube-like. C’mon move it! We need to stop him from going to the Blue Man Group. Over rated weirdness anyway and Vegas has a lot more to offer than that.”

Receiving blank stares Tony briefly wondered how these people were supposed to be so smart when they couldn’t follow simple orders.

“Chop-chop people!” he announced, clapping for emphasis.

Walking over to Kris he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her gently. “Hey, uh Sailor Mercury? You with me? Yeah, home sounds good but if you want to live to get there we gotta keep it together okay. I’m gonna need some help.”

Growing tired of waiting for the supplies he needed Tony pried open a port on his now useless repulsor glove. Digging around within the complex device he removed a small, thin chip. It was an expensive piece of equipment capable of withstanding the intense power that flowed through the gauntlet while still maintaining enough integrity to communicate with the rest of suit, allowing him to issue commands to the unit even if he wasn’t wearing it. Now useless however, he wasted no time in snapping it in two, the edge sharp enough or so he hoped for what he needed to do.

“Okay who has the…tube?” he asked, face simultaneously looking shocked and frowning as if he’d just heard the stupidest idea ever.

The man he had ushered aside stood there, a small straw in hand, the juice box it had come from cast aside, looking for all the world like he thought he was holding up Excalibur itself.

Unceremoniously snatching the straw from him, frown deepening upon seeing the small size of the straw, he rushed over to the man.

”Okay, Blue? Hold his legs. Don’t let him move. DH? Grab his shoulders. Stabilize him.”

“DH?” the man asked.

“Deer in Headlights. C’mon we’ll do proper introductions when he isn’t knocking on death’s door. Just grab him!” Tony urged him.

Brandishing the small sharp chip Stark knelt down, flashed his million dollar smile, and said “Okay pal, not gonna lie, this is gonna hurt.”

 Gensokyo Girl

Tony watched, shocked that Kris had not only noticed the wild cat before anyone else, but also had the wherewithal to essentially ninja kick the damn thing. He couldn’t help but be reminded of Spider-Man, his spider-sense a precognitive warning system. While he didn’t think that this Gensokoyo Girl was secretly Arachni-Lass, he still didn’t buy her explanation.

Dazzler and Moon Knight both had successful careers in entertainment before anyone knew they had powers, so I suppose it’s possible that Kris could be hiding something. A neo-human and a pop star is not the weirdest combination I’ve ever heard of…but for now we have bigger problems.

“Not bad at all kid. Snagglepuss will think twice before messing with you again,” he said. “Man would T’challa be pissed, but I gotta say its not the first time I’ve wanted to kick a panther in the head and off his self-righteous pedestal.”

He offered not explanation for the comments he knew would be lost on all those present. His mind was already racing, trying to find solutions to their current predicament and other problems he knew were coming. Before he could really focus on anything though the older survivor started the inevitable conversation about who was going to be leader.

“Gramps, chill out before you break a hip. We don’t have enough supplies as is. Besides, Blue here went ahead and saved someone from becoming a future kitty litter deposit, so some gratitude may be in order. I mean c’mon people we just survived a plane crash into the middle of the jungle! Everyone invited the conference is presumably smart, right? I mean not me smart but still. We have to band together if we are going to make it out of here,” he told everyone, thinking the speech would have gotten the approval of Captain America himself.

Turning to a young woman with broken glasses, he smiled and winked. “I mean clearly if we were going have leader the guy who ran the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, had a company worth billions, and now advises the President on neo-human affairs would be the best choice.”

Having ruined the imaginary Steve Rogers approval, he turned back to the group. “But hey, she has a point. Fire will keep up warm, let us sterilize anything that we need to sterilize, and the light should keep wildlife away for the night. So while I figure out how to McGyver us a fire we need to gather leaves, brush, sticks, whatever looks flammable.”

When nobody immediately moved he rolled his eyes, missing the robotic assistants he had assist him in his workshop. “Move it people, chop-chop we haven’t got all day!”

Taking off a boot thruster he began to toy around with it, hoping he could use some of the components to get a fire going, even if it was just something to focus the remaining sunlight into, he glanced back to Kris.

”So, how does the daughter of the dude who runs Ignis end up going from rocking out on stage to attending a tech conference?” he asked.

 Gensokyo Girl

Tony listened as he continued experimenting with the bits and pieces of Iron Tech he had left. Considering the boot thrusters were nearly identical to his palm-based repulsors, simply calibrated differently to allow for flight rather than destruction. While the miniaturized arc reactor he used for the suitcase suit was nearly lifeless, he was certain that a little half-assed engineering and rerouting would allow him to have a one time use repulsor blast. Given the creatures that could be in the surrounding jungle or the possibility of obstacles blocking paths it could be invaluable. Of course he was beyond tempted to waste it on the old timer harassing Kris.

“Hey, did nobody hear the rousing let's all work together toward survival speech I just gave? I am so never giving Rogers a hard time about that crap again,” he said.

Marching over to the pair he sighed. One moment he was thinking about survival and rethinking his initial impression of the blue haired songstress, considering the possibility that she was deeper than her public image would lead one to believe (something Stark knew all too well applied to certain tech minded members of the Avengers as well), and the next he was having to put out fires so that they could actually build a real fire.

“Children gather 'round, it's time for Uncle Stark to do some real talk. We are stranded, people are dead and dying, and we have a long trek ahead of us. Now I may be a billionaire genius superhero and I may do a lot really well, but uh, babysitting? Not in my repertoire. So I implore you to uh, you know, not make me have to focus on nonsense like this. I can't get us out of here more or less in one piece if I am having to turn this into a after school special on playing nice, getting along, general lessons of non-douchebaggery,” Tony said loud enough for all to hear. “Old-Timer think for a moment huh? I'm fairly certain that Miss Johnson is looking for a pot or some other container so that we can boil water, you know for purification purposes?”

Patting her shoulder he leaned in and whispered, “Between us? Someone did smuggle the other kind aboard? Safeguard it. Could be used as a makeshift pain reducer for some of the worst off. Also I'm not your dad so I wouldn't narc on ya.”

Hoping his humor diffused the situation, he went about surveying the damage and the passengers that had become his charges.

A bunch of tech geeks and paper pushing suits stuck in the jungle without a hotspot in sight. What could possibly go wrong?

“Now I know you probably have a Golden Girls marathon you want to get to and personally I would kill for a Radioshack right about now, but us fossils have to be a little forgiving of the youth. They are the future and so on and so forth.”

C'mon Stark think! You managed to get yourself out of that cave and then it was only you and Yensin. Only one of you made it out so how the heck are you gonna do right by all these people?

 Gensokyo Girl