Gunslinging Guardian of the Galaxy
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Post by Rocket Raccoon on Jul 19, 2017 10:30:31 GMT
Alright, listen up you d'ast morons! I am Rocket and I am kind of a big deal! I saved the galaxy twice (the other Guardians helped...some) and so I know what I am talking about when it comes to fighting, surviving, and basically being awesome! The following is a rundown of everything you need to know in order for us to get along and me not to kablooey your face! "I am Groot!" So what? Who cares if I don't know everyone who may read this? What you sayin' I can't shoot some flarking humie just cause I don't know em? That doesn't compute! Anyway, on with the edumacating!
FRIENDS:Groot- Groot here is my best friend. If you mess with Groot, you mess with me. I know most folks don't understand the big log on account of his vocabulistics being limited to I and Am and Groot in that particular order, but I understand him just fine. He knows a lot more than you'd think and the big doofus is more than just muscle. "I am Groot." Or well, bark. Whatever! Am I telling it or do you wanna? Yeah, that'a what I thought. Anywho, Groot is the conscience, the heart of the Guardians and without him this group would have been dead ten times over. Oh, and he may be immortal, constantly regenerating if even a twig survives, so even if he's tiny and adorable he's still one of the baddest of the baddests you'll ever meet! Groot...get that out your mouth! No I just saw you doing it!
@maineventman - Star Munch here is our fearless leader and what keeps the Guardians together. He's alright for Humie even if does act like a complete idiot over Terran music. He's brave though and just scoundrel enough for me to call him my friend. "I am Groot?" Well, yeah okay, sort of like family if you are into that kind of thing. Point is Pete here has more to him than just that archaic music device and that ugly mug of his. Sometimes he even manages to do something smart without looking like a complete flarking fool. "I am Groot?" What? No! Challenging a psycho blue murderer with an Infinity stone to a dance off is most definitely not being cool. It is the exact opposite. He's deluded into thinking he's the best pilot we got, but hey he's taken one too many hits to the head to be completely there. Now if you would excuse me I need to go add something special to his pillow case...
P.S. It's practically my ship at this point. I mean I have modified, rebuilt, and piloted the thing as much as him, but we'll keep that between us. Because you know, he's the Legendary Outlaw! "I am Groot." What? Whaddaya mean? I was using my left eye to wink, how could you tell I was being saracastic?Drax the Destroyer- I am all for people having an opinion, but sometimes this idiot just shouldn't talk. He's may not get metaphors and have more muscles than brains but he's our super strong idiot and if anyone else insults the lumbering moron I'll have to introduce you to my newest gun. Anyway, the green mountain has kind of grown on me. You know, like fungus tend to do. @gamora - The other green meanie of our crew and the most dangerous woman in the galaxy. All I know is she interferes in honest bounty huntin' costing certain folks, well call them Grocket and Root, big scores. Oh and she carries a sword despite having access to all manner of weapons made by yours truly. Oh yeah and there is this thing about being raised by Thanos with a creepy blue cyborg broad. Talk about yer daddy issues eh? Plus she sucks the joy out of things. A guy can't even hint about using a cannon to rip a moon a new one without her getting all touchy.
@nebula - Enter Gamora's sister, Thanos's other adopted daughter and a literal murderizing machine. I mean seriously she's a flarking cyborg. One minute she hates Gamora, the next they are besties. I dunno. She helped hand me and Groot over to the Ravagers though so why this nuthole is still hanging around with us instead of sitting in a cell on Xandar while we spend units from her bounty on copious amounts of booze is beyond me. I guess she wants to be part of the team now, but I dunno. I needed her metal arm in order for us to survive and she made a whole deal...about...it...bwahahahahahahaha! "I am Groot!" Yeah, oh I know, but it was...essential...to the...I mean just imagine her walking around with her wires dangling! It would have been hilarious!
ENEMIES:Law Enforcement- Pete may be all pro Nova Corp but I don't need space cops or any cops breathing down my neck! They get all kinds of touchy over taking things from people just because you want them not to mention the stink they raise over shooting someone in their ugly face. You'd think that was against the law or something!
Thanos & Associates- The Mad Titan, also known as he of the wrinkled chin, the raisin headed bench warmer, and his brightly colored pals are always trying to destroy the galaxy. It can't stay guarded for five flarking minutes because of this krutacking d-bag!
The Sovereign- elitist gold morons with a real stick up their "I AM GROOT!" What? So what if I stole their batteries. I needed them for reasons and such. Plus I taught them a lesson! ADVENTURES:
Saving the galaxy/world is always nice! Getting paid to do it is even better! Jailbreaks, bounty hunting, mercenary work, and blowing up sentient planets with dumbass names are all nice distractions. The more units in it for us the better. Oh! And I hear there are dimensional breaches opening up, so like if someone wanted to pay the Guardians to handle that I'll gladly work out the details with you before someone gives a rousing speech about doing it for the greater good and we all end up standing in a circle like a bunch of jackasses. Again. "I am Groot. I...am...Groot." What? How is that painting us as criminals? It is a simple exchange of funds for services rendered. Or you know the taking of funds because we want them. It's all hero stuff Groot! And adjusting prices for catastrophes averted is perfectly normal! Oh and if the job takes us off Earth all the better because your planet? It SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! I mean really, how do you live with yourselves? Bleh.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 21, 2017 1:06:14 GMT
ROCKET!!!!! Oh, you beautiful furry midget, it's good to see a familiar face!! Things are going NUTS, man!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2017 2:46:53 GMT
Alright, listen up you d'ast "Future cursing is about as edgy as wearing your hat backwards or chewing gum in class." morons! I am Rocket and I am kind of a big deal! I saved the galaxy twice "Oh! We're talking accomplishments. Okay! I beat a kid to death with a crossbar after murdering his mother because she tried to sell the kid out to me all to annoy my best friend. Nnnnhehehehahahwaaaaahahahahaha!" (the other Guardians helped...some) and so I know what I am talking about when it comes to fighting, surviving, and basically being awesome! "Having rabies. Being put down by Tommy Kirk." The following is a rundown of everything you need to know in order for us to get along and me not to kablooey your face! "I am Groot!" "You're right! He does look like a talking skunk!" So what? Who cares if I don't know everyone who may read this? What you sayin' I can't shoot some flarking "It's like a Sunday School teacher trying to curse!" humie just cause I don't know em? That doesn't compute! Anyway, on with the edumacating!
FRIENDS:Groot- Groot here is my best friend. If you mess with Groot, you mess with me. "So I call a gardener and also animal control." I know most folks don't understand the big log on account of his vocabulistics being limited to I and Am and Groot in that particular order "If we're quote mining our movies, "This town needs an enema!" "Operator! I'm afraid my party's been . . . disconnected!" "And here. we. go." "You don't want no beef?", but I understand him just fine. He knows a lot more than you'd think and the big doofus is more than just muscle. "I am Groot." "You're right we should sell him to Benicio del Toro and split the profits!" Or well, bark. Whatever! Am I telling it or do you wanna? Yeah, that'a what I thought. Anywho, Groot is the conscience, the heart of the Guardians and without him this group would have been dead ten times over. "The baby was clearly both a liability and a marketing ploy! Woowoowoo!" Oh, and he may be immortal, constantly regenerating if even a twig survives, so even if he's tiny and adorable he's still one of the baddest of the baddests you'll ever meet! Groot...get that out your mouth! No I just saw you doing it!
@maineventman - Star Munch here is our fearless leader and what keeps the Guardians together. He's alright for Humie even if does act like a complete idiot over Terran music "His choice of music never made sense. It's almost like the soundtrack was chosen by someone who would have been college-aged at the time he left Earth instead of a pre-teen.". He's brave though and just scoundrel enough for me to call him my friend. "I am Groot?" "I don't know how his walkman kept working. It's one of those things they don't want you thinking about. Heheh!" Well, yeah okay, sort of like family if you are into that kind of thing. "Not that there's anything wrong with that." Point is Pete here has more to him than just that archaic music device and that ugly mug of his "He also sleeps with gross green monsters.". Sometimes he even manages to do something smart without looking like a complete flarking fool. "I am Groot?" What? No! Challenging a psycho blue murderer with an Infinity stone to a dance off is most definitely not being cool. It is the exact opposite. "Yeah that was just stupid. Bat-credit card stupid." He's deluded into thinking he's the best pilot we got, but hey he's taken one too many hits to the head to be completely there. "Weren't you kicked across a room at one point?" Now if you would excuse me I need to go add something special to his pillow case... "Such great turnover service. You're a good little servant rat. Heheheheh!"
P.S. It's practically my ship at this point. I mean I have modified, rebuilt, and piloted the thing as much as him, but we'll keep that between us. Because you know, he's the Legendary Outlaw! "I am Groot." "You're right, he is tedious." What? Whaddaya mean? I was using my left eye to wink, how could you tell I was being saracastic? "First moment I find you, I'm taking you to a kill shelter."
Drax the Destroyer- I am all for people having an opinion, but sometimes this idiot just shouldn't talk. He's may not get metaphors and have more muscles than brains but he's our super strong idiot and if anyone else insults the lumbering moron I'll have to introduce you to my newest gun. Anyway, the green mountain has kind of grown on me. You know, like fungus tend to do. "So you're a sloth?"
@gamora - The other green meanie of our crew and the most dangerous woman in the galaxy. "Not even close." All I know is she interferes in honest bounty huntin' costing certain folks, well call them Grocket and Root, big scores. Oh and she carries a sword despite having access to all manner of weapons made by yours truly. "Knives are fun. This one time I gutted a raccoon and sent his innards to an idiot with a Walkman and wore his pelt as a hat. And by his, I mean the guy with the Walkman." Oh yeah and there is this thing about being raised by Thanos "He also plays Cable. That's going to be confusing. At least they rebooted Fantastic Four before whatshisface became Steve-O." with a creepy blue cyborg broad. Talk about yer daddy issues eh? Plus she sucks the joy out of things. A guy can't even hint about using a cannon to rip a moon a new one without her getting all touchy.
@nebula - Enter Gamora's sister, "Not for all of Batman's blood money." Thanos's other adopted daughter and a literal murderizing machine. I mean seriously she's a flarking cyborg "The Just Us League has a diversity hire like that.". One minute she hates Gamora, the next they are besties. "I could show you thinks on Deviant Art that would make you use one of those stupid guns to blow your brains out." I dunno. She helped hand me and Groot over to the Ravagers though so why this nuthole is still hanging around with us instead of sitting in a cell on Xandar while we spend units from her bounty on copious amounts of booze is beyond me. "Multipicture contracts?" I guess she wants to be part of the team now, but I dunno. I needed her metal arm in order for us to survive and she made a whole deal...about...it...bwahahahahahahaha! "I am Groot!" Yeah, oh I know, but it was...essential...to the...I mean just imagine her walking around with her wires dangling! It would have been hilarious!
ENEMIES:
Law Enforcement- Pete may be all pro Nova Corp but I don't need space cops or any cops breathing down my neck! "I cripple their daughters for life to prove a point and execute their ex-wives in front of infants. Ahahahahahaha! I've also been specifically and methodically murdering their best and brightest so that their 'Nova Corp Head' can't retire and will work himself to death. Nnnhehehehehehe! What do you do to your cops?" They get all kinds of touchy over taking things from people just because you want them not to mention the stink they raise over shooting someone in their ugly face. You'd think that was against the law or something!
Thanos & Associates- The Mad Titan, also known as he of the wrinkled chin, the raisin headed bench warmer, and his brightly colored pals are always trying to destroy the galaxy. "Earth once and the universe once is not always." It can't stay guarded for five flarking minutes because of this krutacking d-bag!
The Sovereign- "This is my favorite talking rodent on the Citadel." elitist gold morons with a real stick up their "I AM GROOT!" What? So what if I stole their batteries. I needed them for reasons and such. Plus I taught them a lesson! "Warlock says hi."
ADVENTURES:
Saving the galaxy/world is always nice! Getting paid to do it is even better! Jailbreaks, bounty hunting, mercenary work, and blowing up sentient planets with dumbass names are all nice distractions. The more units in it for us the better. "Five units to murder Gamora. Ten units if you force Quill to clean it up at gun point. Nnheheheheheh! Oh! And I hear there are dimensional breaches opening up, so like if someone wanted to pay the Guardians to handle that I'll gladly work out the details with you before someone gives a rousing speech about doing it for the greater good and we all end up standing in a circle like a bunch of jackasses. Again. "I am Groot. I...am...Groot." What? How is that painting us as criminals? It is a simple exchange of funds for services rendered. "Like a hooker!" Or you know the taking of funds because we want them. It's all hero stuff Groot! And adjusting prices for catastrophes averted is perfectly normal! Oh and if the job takes us off Earth all the better because your planet? It SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! I mean really, how do you live with yourselves? Bleh.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2018 22:19:35 GMT
No ideas for what these two could get up to together, but whatever it is it would be HILARIOUS!
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